Monday, January 4, 2016

The FUTURE!!!! W-h-a-t-e-v-e-r.

Welcome to the first Blog Carnival of the year.  In a completely unexpected twist of dramatic artifice, this month’s theme asks “What are you planning for 2016”!?

Previous year’s plans included world domination and loosing weight. Both proved elusive.  World weight loss may actually be more achievable AND with less involvement on our part, so that’s on the list.

We’re traveling this year, and avoiding death as part of the experience is in our plans. This starts with researching which airlines have the lowest embolism ratings for seating conditions. Getting there is no longer half the fun, its half the risk.

There will be shows and exhibitions this year too. Lots and lots of shows and exhibitions, each of which will charge us $49 for the privilege of being told that our work is inadequate.
On second thought, our plans have changed. We’re starting lots and lots of shows and exhibitions this year. They will be fantastic! They will make America Great Again™. Send us $49. to enter. No need to wait on pins and needles for a decision – your work is inadequate. But thank you for the $49.

We’re starting a new web site for selling real handmade craft for 2016. It will feature great work by talented craftspeople who are passionate about what they do. We plan to be out of business in nine months.

As much as we’ve been avoiding any plans for a colonoscopy, it looks like this year our number’s up. The last time we did this we though it would be cute to make it a “couple” activity. In retrospect, matching t-shirts proclaiming “We had a colonoscopy with Dr. Feldstein” would have been a better idea.
If you have not had the pleasure of a colonoscopy before, they want you to clean house before the event. To facilitate this we were both issued bottles of prescription strength laxatives in preparation for our movie debut in the morning. Arriving home we cheerfully downed the contents of both bottles like New Year’s eve champagne, albeit the worst champagne, like, ever.   Within 30 minutes it became dreadfully apparent that we only have one bathroom in our house. What ensued was a situation probably not dissimilar to passengers on the Titanic trying to get onto the only lifeboat. There are going to be winners and losers.

My dog, Bob, is very sensitive to my moods and actions. As I squatted in the back yard, Bob approached and squatted too, sensing that this was a bonding opportunity. What started as a shared experience quickly turned competitive, accompanied by growling and other noises meant to distract the opponent.  This all seemed normal enough until the neighbor’s ball came flying over the fence – followed by the neighbors. They looked a me, at Bob, back at me, and in that moment the inadequacy of saying, “its not what it looks like” was apparent.  What did cross my mind was, what explanation might one offer in this moment that will diminish the odds of being arrested. The neighbors were not waiting around to find out.

Thankfully, the neighbors have not mentioned the incident since, but then, they don’t speak much to me at all these days. 

For our part, we’re not planning on doing couples colonoscopies again anytime soon.

Meanwhile our Etsymetal teammates are making plans of their own. See what they have to say:
Andrea Ring:
Victoria Takahashi/Experimetal:


  1. Oh myGosh! you guys crack me up.

  2. well, if i ever need a colonoscopy buddy, I know who to call!!!